what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
