Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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