drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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