I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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