my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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