Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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