Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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