So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
