did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
