I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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