Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
