Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
