Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
