Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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