I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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