let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
