No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
