Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think my moral compass just broke
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