Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
