Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
