Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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