I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
