Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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