He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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