i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
