Don't make out with my wife yet
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
