Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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