I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
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Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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