he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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