can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
