your room smells of hookers.
And success
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
