You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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