I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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