I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
