I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
