I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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