I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
