We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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