You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
