you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
even my farts smell like vagina
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
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ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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