So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
