Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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