Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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