I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
