She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
