I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
