Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
