im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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