Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
