So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
