i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
