I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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