I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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