We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
