You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
