Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
