i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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