Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
