well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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