He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
