can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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