Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
