i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sorry my hands just texted you
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
