we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
