Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
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i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize