thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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