the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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