batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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