I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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