i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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