i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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