who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
