And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
