I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
