you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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